The Paradox of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is often seen as a prized trait, representing the ability to understand one’s own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. However, despite its high value, it is surprisingly uncommon. This scarcity might explain why we place such a high importance on it. Like punctual trains or humble leaders, its absence seems to amplify our fascination with it. Evolutionary psychologists suggest that there are survival advantages to not knowing oneself, particularly when it comes to recognizing one’s limitations. If someone were fully aware of their incompetence, they might never take risks or pursue ambitious goals.
The Power of Self-Deception
Robert Trivers, in his book The Folly of Fools, explores how self-deception can be a powerful social tool. Delusions of grandeur aren’t just self-fulfilling; they can also be contagious. In a world where people often exaggerate their abilities, those who believe in their potential may find themselves more successful than those who are overly self-aware. Consider a scenario where someone confidently enters a crisis, declaring “failure was not an option.” Others may believe them, mistaking certainty for competence. This dynamic explains why some tech founders receive significant funding for half-built prototypes, while self-aware geniuses remain unnoticed.
Striking a Balance
While self-awareness is valuable, being too self-aware can lead to self-sabotage. There’s a fine line between humility and undermining oneself with a detailed list of flaws. In a world where everyone tends to overstate their strengths, honesty can be misinterpreted as incompetence. Employers may assume that even a truthful CV is inflated, leading to misunderstandings about one’s capabilities.
To navigate this, it’s essential to cultivate internal self-awareness while projecting enough confidence to avoid appearing as if you’re narrating your own therapy session. Think of it as executive peacocking with emotional intelligence. It’s better to be internally insecure but externally confident than the other way around.
The Importance of Perception
In professional settings, what matters most is the image you project, regardless of whether it aligns with your authentic self. Success often depends on demonstrating overconfidence rather than self-awareness in real-life interactions. For example, during job interviews, a self-aware candidate might say, “I’m still learning how to delegate,” while a more delusional one might claim, “I’m a natural leader—people just follow me.” Guess who gets hired?
Similarly, in team meetings, the self-aware person might admit, “I’m not sure I have the answer,” while the oblivious one might suggest, “Let’s pivot and disrupt the value chain.” The latter is more likely to end up presenting to the board. On LinkedIn, the self-aware writer might describe themselves as “a curious, collaborative learner,” while the deluded one might use titles like “visionary thought leader” or “empathy-driven unicorn wrangler.” These exaggerated titles often attract more attention than modest, accurate descriptions.
Faking Confidence Without Deception
It is possible to fake confidence without deceiving oneself. You don’t have to fool yourself to fool others. This is the magic trick—and downfall—of the modern workplace. True self-awareness isn’t about navel-gazing or confessionals. It’s about calibrating your self-image with feedback from people who aren’t your mom, dog, or Instagram followers. It’s about seeing yourself as others see you and using that insight to present a slightly better version of yourself.
Authenticity as Performance
In my forthcoming book Don’t Be Yourself, I argue that success depends less on being authentic than on knowing which version of yourself to perform when the spotlight is on. While authenticity is often celebrated, it can be uncomfortable in professional settings. Sharing unfiltered feelings about imposter syndrome or existential dread might make you appear unfit for leadership roles.
Meanwhile, those who polish their self-narrative, rehearse strategic humility, and show empathy are more likely to be promoted. This isn’t cynicism—it’s the reality of impression management, a skill that can be learned. Observing how you’re perceived, scripting your strengths, and curating the right version of yourself for each situation can significantly impact your career.
The Reality of Impression Management
Impression management is not just a survival skill; it’s a professional superpower. Research suggests that emotional intelligence is essentially a form of impression management. Your career is less about who you are and more about how convincingly you can simulate the traits others value. Charisma, gravitas, and confidence often outweigh actual competence, especially if you possess certain physical or social advantages.
The good news is that these skills can be learned. By observing how you’re seen, scripting your strengths, softening your weaknesses, and curating the right version of yourself for different situations, you can enhance your professional success. This isn’t selling out; it’s growing up. It’s understanding that success is not about being true to yourself, but about being true to your potential—and potential, like beauty, is always in the eye of the beholder.
Embracing the Role
So yes, be self-aware. But not so self-aware that you become a philosopher when the job calls for a salesperson, an HR business partner, or a procurement officer. Learn which parts of you to mute, which ones to dial up, and which ones to save for your therapist. That, ironically, is the most authentic thing you can do.
After all, the workplace isn’t a confessional. It’s a stage. As Erving Goffman noted, “We are all just actors trying to control and manage our public image. We act based on how others might see us.”
