“You’re a genius!”
“You’re perfect, never change!”
Here are some expressions you might have used or encountered before. These phrases stem from positive intentions such as offering encouragement, providing solace, or expressing affection. Nonetheless, lurking beneath their innocuous surface lie covert yet powerful traps, particularly affecting young individuals.
How can excessive compliments turn into an issue?
When a teen is short on confidence, praise such as
“You’re amazing”
or
“You’re naturally gifted”
It can produce the reverse outcome of what was intended. Instead of feeling motivated, the pressure intensifies.
What if I’m not as intelligent? What if I fail the next time? Would I still be deserving of the idealized version others see in me?
These ideas occur more frequently than you may realize.
research conducted by scholar Eddie Brummelman
emphasized this contradiction. Adolescents with low self-worth, upon receiving excessive compliments, tend to avoid taking risks. The dread of failing immobilizes them. Their mind takes a short cut:
If I don’t succeed, I no longer deserve love or respect.
Approval, indeed, but not through just any means.
The issue doesn’t revolve around prohibiting all forms of compliments. The core problem lies within the nature of the praise rather than the act of encouraging itself. Experts distinguish between two categories of praise.
-
Person-centered praise:
“You are a genius,”
“You are beautiful,”
“You are the best.” -
Process-focused praise:
You continued to push through even when it was tough,
You came up with an innovative answer,
You put in your best effort, which is fantastic.
The first approach, which may seem complimentary yet perilous, confines teenagers to a static self-image. This often leads them to avoid venturing beyond their safe space due to anxiety about damaging this established persona. Conversely, the second method, with its subtleties, prioritizes the process over merely achieving an outcome. True confidence actually stems from understanding our capacity for growth, acquiring knowledge, and rising after experiencing setbacks.
The harmful mix of social media and unattainable standards
Even though life was complicated enough, teenagers now inhabit an extremely interconnected universe where social comparisons never cease. With perfectly edited selfies, picture-perfect lifestyles on platforms like Instagram or TikTok, and exaggerated accomplishments showcased on LinkedIn or Discord, it’s simple to experience feelings of inferiority compared to peers.
In addition to these challenges, there can also be unreasonably high familial expectations at times. It’s normal to desire the best for your offspring, yet when those aspirations surpass what is realistic, adolescents often come to feel inadequate. This leads them to question their own worth, constantly self-criticize, and occasionally lose all motivation to attempt anything new.
What steps can we take to enhance healthy self-esteem?
Self-assurance, particularly throughout the teenage years, is like a fragile seed. Nonetheless, through appropriate measures, it has the potential to flourish with resilience. Consider these practical suggestions:
-
Place value on effort, not only on accomplishment.
I’m impressed with the way you tackled that challenge,
rather than
“You’re so strong!” - Leave space for mistakes. Learning involves failing too. Promote among youth the idea of viewing failures as chances for growth.
-
Offer consistent emotional support. Listen without judgment and validate their feelings. Sometimes a simple,
I realize this might be tough for you.
is more valuable than an extensive discourse. - Cherish individual advancements, regardless of how minor they may seem. The key point is to keep progressing, rather than achieving milestones.
During adolescence, we yearn to establish our identity while simultaneously questioning our worth. Even well-intentioned excessive compliments might inadvertently fuel this self-doubt. However, genuine recognition tied to hard work and resilience can bolster their internal fortitude. There’s no need to assure them of their flawless nature; rather, guide them to see themselves as part of an ongoing process where each stride forward matters greatly.
