Pakistan, June 22 — My column’s subject today has the potential to impact many of us, yet it does not come up much in personal and professional conversations. Leaving employment to care for elderly parents is a significant decision with both emotional and practical considerations. It is a personal choice with potential benefits like improved care quality and strengthened family bonds, but also carries risks like financial strain and potential career setbacks. However, as loving and noble as it may be to care for an elderly parent, the working professional world may not always be so understanding. Therefore, it is about time to recognise and acknowledge some or many of us out there who have pressed the pause button on our careers in favour of spending time to care for a loved one. Caregivers are invisible linchpins of our society, particularly of our health care sector. But they are hard to find. Few would answer to the title if asked. Many caregivers say, “Oh, that is just being a good daughter” or “My loved one is not bedridden so I am not a caregiver.” But they are.
Speaking for myself, I had worked so hard to get to a certain point in my banking career. I had an MSc from a top business school; I had worked for several prestigious multinational companies; my last assignment was working at a large bank in a role I loved. Destiny took a turn whereby my mother fell ill and being the only daughter I thought it imperative to stay at home, assuming the role of a supervisory primary caregiver. I already knew what may be gained by giving up my job and becoming the primary full-time caregiver for my parent. I would benefit from knowing firsthand how my mother was faring day and night. I could potentially save them from paying for in-home care or adult day care. I would not have to worry about the quality of care she was receiving from outside sources. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to leave work. As a woman in the workplace, and as a single woman, this was hard to cope with. Having to leave my career behind for an undefined period felt like erasing the years of work I had already put in. A deficit in or the loss of monthly income was likely the biggest factor in this decision, and I thought that change could usually be tolerated temporarily. I did factor in, though that caregiving may drag on for months and even years. Many caregivers that I know of do not think about the long-term effects of this choice, but it is crucial not to forget about or ignore your financial future. During the years at home, I suffered from Caregiver Isolation. Not everyone is cut out to be a full-time caregiver. I found that, while I was glad not to be juggling a job and caregiving responsibilities, I missed the work atmosphere, my paycheck and the social interaction I had as an employed person. I realised how caregiving can be a profoundly lonely job.
It has been several years wherein I devoted my time and effort to recuperate my mother. She, by God’s grace, is hale and hearty now and wants me to rejoin the corporate world. Many like myself are looking to rejoin the workforce now, and while we are doing that, we are trying to figure out how to address the apparent career gap on our curriculum vitae. Re-entering the workforce after a prolonged absence can be challenging, potentially leading to lower salaries or difficulty finding suitable employment. As other colleagues in our respective field have moved up and added to their experience, our skills are likely to wane during our unemployment period. Countless people have left the workforce and been unpleasantly surprised to find that new educational requirements, technological expertise and training are now required for jobs similar to the ones they held before. One also faces ageism as when your parents age and you care for them, you, too, are growing older. Age discrimination is illegal, but when you are finally able to work again, potential employers can find other ostensible reasons for not hiring you, such as out-of-date skills. I have seen similar patterns with job-seeking colleagues who have also put their careers on the back burner while they helped their loved ones. Caregivers who temporarily exit the workforce at a later age usually sacrifice some of their highest-earning years. That sacrifice reverberates beyond the immediate loss of income and benefits with lasting financial implications for the caregiver. Returning to work after a career break therefore can feel intimidating, especially when faced with explaining the career gap and proving your readiness. As soon as the interviewer asks, ‘Tell me about yourself’, I said that I had a break, most times, I would not get a call back. Sometimes, they respond with, ‘No, we are looking for someone who is still actively working,’. Candidates like me should not have to explain their career gap to employers beyond the extent to which the skills they gained qualify them for the role at hand. The notion of ‘ skill fade’ during a career gap is a fallacy and we want to ensure all candidates are given a fair and equal chance to succeed.
Ultimately, the decision to leave your job and become a full-time caregiver is deeply personal. Trust your instincts and consider the overall well-being and happiness of both yourself and your loved one. Weigh the pros and cons, seek advice, and make a decision that aligns with your values, circumstances and aspirations. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Every situation is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. It is crucial to carefully weigh the financial, emotional, and practical aspects before making a decision. Consulting with professionals and seeking support from your network can provide valuable insights and guidance during this decision-making process. For others, it can lead to financial ruin and a lost sense of purpose and identity outside of providing care. As a nation, we need more affordable elder care resources and better support from employers so that gainful employment, financial security and dedication to family are attainable goals that can coexist. I am excited about finding that “right” opportunity to contribute to a team again, to engage in meaningful projects, and to continue my professional growth. The prospect of collaborating with colleagues, tackling new problems, and achieving shared goals is something I look forward to with great enthusiasm. If employers want to attract talent they must ensure that their recruitment practices are inclusive and focus on the essential skills needed, rather than creating unnecessary barriers for applicants.
