On May 12, a three-year-old boy named Trigg was discovered unconscious in his family’s swimming pool. A few days afterward, he passed away.
Trigg was born to 26-year-old social media personality Emilie Kiser and her spouse Brady. The pair, residing in the United States, celebrated the arrival of their second child, Theodore, earlier this year in March.
Following the tragedy, Emilie, who showcases snippets of her family life for almost 3.4 million TikTok subscribers, has understandably retreated from social media to grieve.
Watch: 5 aspects of grieving that often go unmentioned. The post continues below.
However, as the family mourns privately, supporters have expressed their condolences openly. This situation has had both positive and negative aspects.
On platforms like TikTok and Instagram, identical phrases persist within the comments section but appear in various iterations.
If one mom sheds tears, we all shed tears.
Giving my little ones an extra firm hug tonight.
This scenario represents every parent’s most terrifying fear.
Every six phrases, equally futile herein.
Since then, Emilie has disabled comment sections on her public profiles.
Although mostly coming from a good place, these comments tend to focus on the emotions of the person leaving them.
I’m hugging my children tighter.
In other words,
I feel incredibly fortunate it didn’t happen to me.
The underlying message, whether unintended or not, is striking. It emphasizes precisely what was meant to be avoided.
grieving mother
no longer possesses her living child. In attempting to provide comfort, they inadvertently create a harsh and agonizing comparison.
For individuals such as Emilie, who have allowed millions into their personal space digitally, there can be an illusion of closeness. Followers believe they understand her intimately. They yearn to offer solace. However, this sometimes leads some fans to overstep boundaries.
When comments shift from
your
pain to
my
fear, or
my
Gratitude shifts from focusing on support to centering around the self. That’s when good intentions can turn into damage.
The tale of this 26-year-old unfortunately isn’t uncommon.
Six years ago, author and performer Colin Campbell was en route to Joshua Tree in California with his spouse Gail and their two adolescent children, Ruby who was 17 at the time, and Hart aged 14. Just twenty minutes shy of reaching their destination, they encountered an accident involving a driver with prior DUI offenses who had exceeded the speed limit by 60 kilometers per hour. Tragically, both teenagers lost their lives instantly as a result of this collision.
This time, it wasn’t only strangers driven by misdirected sorrow, but also loved ones and acquaintances who extended incorrect consolations akin to
“There are no words”.
According to the
grieving dad
It was the absolute worst thing they could have said.
“Frequently, those words conclude the discussion,” Campbell mentioned in his book.
Discovering the Words: Navigating Deep Grief With Hope and Meaning
The griever requires time to cope with this loss… they should discuss it to gain understanding.
Colin mentioned that there were other expressions of sympathy which he found equally difficult to accept.
He certainly led a fulfilling life.
The author pointed out that even though this may seem like an empathetic statement, you’re essentially downplaying the suffering.
“They’re in heaven now”.
Despite believing they’re in heaven, you’ve still lost them here on Earth.
It’s evident that grief is intricate, and social media adds another layer of complexity to it.
“As Mourning encompasses the societal and cultural rituals through which we convey our sorrow, social media offers novel avenues for these expressions,” stated
Lauren Breen
, a psychology professor at Curtin University in Perth, Western Australia.
Certain approaches can provide support, such as utilizing social media to commemorate a departed individual, offering solace to those who are mourning. However, there are also drawbacks, for instance, when individuals intrude upon these situations without showing any empathy towards the bereaved.
Since many of us experience significant unease when confronted with death and sorrow, Breen allows individuals some leniency regarding insensitive remarks.
“Individuals often struggle with knowing how to react or communicate, which makes them prone to resorting to obsolete notions of grieving, offering overused platitudes, and giving unwanted counsel,” she explained.
.
For the prominent individual dealing with the loss, social media can be like a double-edged sword.
“It can be comforting to realize that others care for you or that someone you cherished was significant to many people too. However, our emotions regarding media personalities and stars tend to be unilateral,” she stated.
Feelings of connection and intimacy aren’t mutual. Those who are publicly visible might sense that others exploit this bond for personal gain, like putting up a show during times of sorrow or sympathy.
This doesn’t mean we should overlook tragedy.
“The avoidance of loss and grief isn’t beneficial, however, we ought to refrain from making comments that shift focus onto ourselves,” stated the psychologist.
Breen suggests that when comforting loved ones, one should approach with empathy and avoid trying to ‘solve’ their grief.
Simply be present for someone who is mourning. Tailor your support based on their personality and actively listen to their thoughts and feelings. Take the initiative to learn more about grief to avoid relying on old-fashioned notions and platitudes, refrain from downplaying their loss, and ensure it remains focused on them.
Avoid saying ‘Let me know if you need anything,’ as they may be unsure about their needs. Rather, extend a particular offer of assistance so they can accept or decline it. Additionally, follow up with them multiple times instead of checking in only once.
Feature Image: Instagram/@emiliekiser
