You could move through life with a strong sense of confidence—confident, composed and confident that you are radiating the correct energy. However, here’s the twist: how you feel and how you are perceived do not always align. Occasionally, without intending to, individuals transmitsubtle signalsthose that subtly indicate a lack of confidence, even if they believe their actions convey the opposite. These small behaviors often go unnoticed by the person themselves, yet they communicate a lot to those nearby. If you’re interested in discovering what these behaviors are, you’re fortunate because we’ve identified nine habits that psychologists claim can make you appear insecure without you being aware of it.
We consulted with one, but four psychologists to gain a better understanding of these subtle behaviors. Together,Dr. Caitlin Slavens, Dr. Jenny Shields, Dr. Lisa Larsen and Dr. JJ Kellyidentify the various everyday habits that may appear insignificant—or even escape your awareness—but can subtly influence how others view you. With this understanding, you can begin to adjust your behavior accordingly.energy you give offin the manner you genuinely wish to be perceived, both in your private life and atwork.
Take a look at all the different ways you could be projecting feelings of insecurity listed below. You might be amazed at how many of these you actually engage in. However, don’t be discouraged, as this list will help you recognize them more readily, allowing you to address them so you can move past your quiet, self-doubting habits.
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9 Practices That Give the Appearance of Insecurity Without You Being Aware, as Noted by Psychologists
1. Constantly Apologizing
Apologizing for things that don’t need anapologyThings like asking a question or needing someone’s time can make you seem insecure,” says Dr. Shields. “This behavior can indicate a deep-seated belief that your presence is a bother, and it unintentionally teaches others to view your input as less significant, making you appear uncertain without you realizing it.
Dr. Larsen explains that there are numerous reasons why someone might do this without realizing it. “A person who acts this way may have had strict, judgmental parents during their childhood and might not understand that a single genuine apology is usually sufficient in most cases,” she shares.
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2. Over-Explaining Yourself
Providing an extended explanation for a straightforward ‘no’ indicates that you lack confidence in your choice and are uncertain, as it turns a simpleboundaryinto a negotiation, indicating that you require the other person’s approval to feel your choice is valid,” says Dr. Shields. “For instance, when turning down an invitation, sharing a five-minute account of all your conflicting responsibilities rather than a straightforward, ‘I can’t attend, but thanks for inviting me!’ conveys that you lack confidence in your decision.
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3. Hiding Behind Humor
“When everything turns into a joke (particularly when it’s about yourself), it becomes difficult to determine who the real you is, and others find it hard to connect with someone who is constantly deflecting,” Dr. Slavens says..
Dr. Shields adds, “Using jokes, particularly those that are self-deprecating, often serve as a protective barrier to avoid genuine emotional vulnerability. This approach suggests that you feel uneasy with honesty and are not ready to reveal the true self behind the mask, which may make others perceive you as insecure. Even a nervous laugh during a serious moment has the opposite effect of calming people down—it highlights your own anxiety and uncertainty about the situation. Rather, it signals to others that you are not capable of handling the seriousness of the conversation and lack confidence.
4. Fishing for Reassurance
“Constantly seeking validationBy asking questions such as, “Was that okay?” or “Did I do a good job?” you transfer your sense of value,” says Dr. Shields. “This can change the situation, causing others to feel accountable for handling your emotions.self-esteemFor example, if after delivering a presentation, you instantly ask a colleague, “Was that awful? I feel like I went off track,” you come across as uncertain without being aware of it.
Dr. Slavens tells this is a behavior that people engage in excessively.
She points out, when someone does this repeatedly, it can subtly convey that they lack confidence, even if they truly understand what they’re doing.
She states that “this is quite typical when someone seeks or requires admiration from others” and mentions that “confident individuals have sufficient self-assurance to let others compliment them or not. They don’t feel the need to persuade others to provide reassurance.”
5. Avoiding Speaking Up
This conduct may indicate a deficiency in self-assurance, particularly in theworkplaceor at school,” Dr. Larsen says. “Even if someone knows the correct answer or needs to establish a boundary with another person, they may feel afraid of the consequences they think will occur if they speak out. It indicates they lack theassertivenessto illustrate their knowledge and prove their value.
Dr. Slavens agrees and states, “Remaining silent doesn’t always indicate that you have nothing to express—frequently, it suggests that you have been taught”not to believe in your voiceor you feel nervous about the people nearby, which then emits an insecure atmosphere.”
If you continue to refrain from expressing yourself, Dr. Kelly states that your behavior will worsen.
“Refusing to engage in actions that demand bravery not only seems timid, but stems from fear and self-doubt, which in turn leads to increased fear and insecurity,” she says..
6. Nervous Body Language
Your body conveys a narrative even before you utter a word,” Dr. Shields explains. “Leaning back, moving restlessly, or crossing your arms are physical signs of withdrawing from a scenario. Even if you’re merely attempting to remain inconspicuous, this…body language undermines your confidence.”
This behavior shows a lack of confidence, even if you don’t truly feel that way internally,” Dr. Kelly explains. “Others interpret these physical signals as, ‘I don’t want to be here’ or ‘I lack self-assurance.’ It’s usually done without realizing, which makes it very impactful. The solution? Develop awareness and work on being fully present.
7. Overcompensating With Bragging
“Occasionally, individuals boast not due to a sense of self-assurance—but because they fear others may not perceive them as capable. Hence, they attempt to express it first, with greater volume and intensity,” explains Dr. Shields.
She claims that engaging in this behavior makes you appear insecure to others, even if you don’t perceive it that way. She explains, “This is the opposite of a ‘polite’ habit, but it stems from the same underlying insecurity. Trying to demonstrate your value through a list of achievements often has the opposite effect, as it may reveal a deeper fear that you wouldn’t be appreciated without them. For example, dominating a conversation by mentioning recent promotions, costly purchases, or notable people you know can make you seem insecure, even if that’s not your intention.”
Dr. Kelly agrees and states, “Open boasting and ‘humble bragging’ tend to be off-putting to most people, reflecting someone who lacks the confidence to acknowledge their accomplishments internally—and the internal validation that naturally fosters self-worth and self-assurance.”
8. Shifting Compliments to Others
“There’s nothing wrong with being a team player, but if you never take credit, others may question whether you think you’ve deserved it and could feel insecure. A simple ‘thank you’ can be impactful and help you seem more self-assured,” Dr. Slavens says.
Dr. Larsen tells a person might unintentionally do this due to theirchildhood.
“DeflectingCompliments can reveal someone’s insecurity without them being aware of it, but it might stem from being told by their caregivers “not to get a big head,” she explains. “It might feel unsafe for these individuals to take credit for a compliment, as others have been envious and treated them badly because of it.”
9. Being Overly Agreeable
“Although wanting to maintain harmony is beneficial, consistently agreeing with every viewpoint without expressing your own can cause others to perceive you as a social chameleon and insecure, even if you aren’t aware of it. Rather than being viewed as ‘kind,’ you might be seen as lacking a clear sense of self or being too fearful of rejection to share your genuine thoughts,” Dr. Shields notes.
Dr. Slavens agrees and states, “Being overly agreeable doesn’t mean you’re easygoing; it can make you appear as if you don’t care or lack confidence in your own views, even if that’s not your intention.”
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