A Journey of Rediscovery Through Volunteering
About two years ago, I made a decision that was completely out of character for me. I spent an entire day away from home without informing my husband or our four teenage foster children. It wasn’t something I did often, but this time, I had a specific reason.
I wanted to test my family and see if they would notice my absence. I hoped they might miss me or at least wonder where I had gone. However, the reality was quite different. When I returned home, no one asked where I had been, what I had done, or even if I was okay. The only question was about dinner.
It was a sobering moment, but I decided not to make a scene. Instead, I focused on cooking and moving forward.
For the past 12 years, my husband Trevor and I have been fostering over 100 children. These children stayed with us for varying lengths of time, ranging from a single night to several years. They came from diverse backgrounds and faced challenging situations. We also have two grown-up daughters, Grace and Maisie, which has always kept me busy and feeling needed.
However, around two years ago, when I was 54, I started noticing a change. At that time, we had four settled teenage foster children, and along with Grace, who still lived at home, they began to need me less. This left me with more free time than I knew what to do with.
I had a growing sense that I was becoming invisible, and my day out confirmed that feeling. Unfortunately, this is a common experience for women of a certain age—being overlooked and unnoticed.
At first, I felt lost. I wasn’t too old for clubbing but too young for bingo. I wasn’t ready to spend my afternoons watching daytime TV, nor did I want to shop for the latest fashion trends. So, I decided to take action. I made a promise to myself to say “yes” to more opportunities.
I had previously volunteered during the Christmas season for a few years and enjoyed the energy it brought into my life. I started looking for other similar opportunities. Soon after, I saw a TV news story about a charity called FareShare. This organization collects food that is still good to eat but would otherwise be wasted by businesses like supermarkets and food manufacturers. They then redistribute it to thousands of charities to help support people in need.
The news story included an urgent call for volunteers, and I scanned the QR code to sign up online. I was contacted by the volunteer manager and started the following week.
My first impression of the warehouse was incredibly positive. I was made to feel extremely welcome, even by being addressed by my name. I was taught the ropes by other volunteers, and I was struck by how friendly and supportive the group was.
I felt immediately welcomed and valued—far from the feeling of invisibility I had experienced before. My first day was interesting and engaging. The people were great, and I felt good working hard and contributing. Even my husband was eager to hear about my new interest and we talked late into the night about how he could assist.
My elder daughter and her family, who had recently moved back to live locally, also offered to help. I felt truly blessed and no longer invisible.
That was a year and a half ago, and since then, I’ve grown stronger in my volunteering role. I’ve embraced the “yes” mantra. For instance, I took a van driving test so I can now drive the vans to deliver food across the community.
I’m so grateful for the amazing people I’ve met through this role. From fellow volunteers to individuals who benefit from the charities we support, there are countless fascinating stories and every day is exciting.
Today, I have four regular shifts a week, but I always pitch in wherever possible, sometimes traveling over 200 miles each week to deliver food. Volunteering has given me back my own identity. People ask me how I am and what I’ve been up to.
I can have a laugh and even swear if I want to—just being myself. I don’t need to pretend or act a certain way as someone’s mum. I feel like I’m back in my early 20s having the best fun with my friends, with the added bonus of knowing I’m helping others at the same time. I don’t want this to end.
The best part is that my family supports me and can see how happy it makes me. Trevor and both daughters have even stepped up to help with school runs for the foster children, ensuring I can get to my shifts on time.
I look at my female friends of a similar age and see many of them are sad. Some are unhappy in their marriages, jobs, or both. They feel invisible, and it makes me sad.
To other women facing a similar situation, I would really recommend giving volunteering a go. Say “yes” to more and see how it makes you feel because it might just be the best thing you’ve ever done.
