The term gaslighting frequently appears on reality TV shows.
“When you were sitting there talking to her, it was classic manipulation tactics,” the expert stated.
John Aiken informed bridegroom Tim
In season 12 of Married At First Sight.
You dodged the issue. You held her responsible for every problem. You claimed she shattered your trust.
You mentioned that among both of you, you considered yourself the most truthful, and eventually, you led her to feel as though she was losing her mind.
What truly shattered my heart was listening to Katie take all the blame for the collapse of our relationship.
Psychologists active on TikTok employ this term, along with other content creators who share posts on the same platform.
It’s commonly heard in movies and TV shows with scripted dialogue.
If you trace back far enough in history, you’ll discover that popular culture introduced us to this term.
Robin Stern is a certified psychoanalyst and the writer behind “The Gaslight Effect: How to Identify and Cope with the Covert Manipulation That People Employ to Manage Your Existence.”
Dr. Stern mentioned that the word ‘gaslight’ originates from the 1938 play titled ‘Gas Light,’ as well as the movies that followed, notably the 1944 Hollywood adaptation.
In the narrative, a spouse methodically undermines his partner’s sense of reality — part of this scheme includes turning down the gaslights at home and dismissing her observations when she detects it.
It was a bone-chilling depiction of mental manipulation.
Dr Stern mentions that the term went on to become widely used in everyday language.
“‘Gaslighting’ initially began as a particular narrative tool but gradually became a commonly employed phrase to describe a type of emotional manipulation where an individual instills doubts in another person about their recollections, senses, or grasp of what’s real,” she explained.
The widespread use of this term reflects how numerous individuals saw reflections of their personal experiences within the narrative.
However, Dr. Stern states that the term is frequently misunderstood.
“As popular culture has increased awareness of gaslighting, the term is frequently overused to depict minor disagreements or unease within relationships,” she explained.
Gaslighting isn’t merely a dispute or untruth—it’s an ongoing scheme of manipulation that chips away at your belief in your own judgment.
By using this term excessively, we might diminish its gravity and overlook the genuine nature of gaslighting.
Dr. Stern indicates that conflicts and even deception don’t automatically equate to gaslighting.
She stated that for gaslighting to occur, there needs to be a continuous effort to undermine someone else’s perception of reality.
For example, if a person fails to recall a discussion, that isn’t considered gaslighting.
However, if they consistently reject discussions that actually took place or claim you are fabricating them to unsettle you, that’s where it becomes problematic.
Is it accurate to say that gaslighting happens in politics?
In brief, the answer is affirmative.
Dr. Stern states, “Manipulation through gaslighting has emerged as a concerning aspect of contemporary politics.”
Leaders or organizations might refute truths, counter their earlier remarks, or twist words to breed uncertainty and perplexity.
Political gaslighting undermines faith in institutions, the press, and even personal judgment.
Particularly risky is how it has the potential to mold complete stories, sway public sentiment, and suppress disagreement.
Why doesn’t gaslighting appear in theDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders?
Dr. Stern explains that gaslighting is a form of behavior rather than a clinical diagnosis.
She mentioned that this could be a strategy seen in conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder or might be part of manipulative behaviour in unhealthy relationships.
What truly counts is acknowledging the dynamics and harm caused by gaslighting, irrespective of whether it carries a clinical designation.
Labeling it provides individuals with the means to understand their experiences, which holds significant power on its own.
Although this phrase is commonly used throughout popular culture, with many misunderstanding its true meaning, it originally emerged from within pop culture itself.
How does gaslighting affect someone personally?
Kayla Steele is a postdoctoral research fellow and clinical psychologist at the UNSW School of Psychology, located at the Black Dog Institute.
Dr Steele explains that “being subjected to gaslighting frequently causes considerable emotional and psychological turmoil for an individual.”
This can be attributed partly to the breakdown of trust that happens, both inside the relationship and within an individual’s sense of self and their capacity to distinguish between reality and illusion.
Dr. Steele indicates that individuals engage in gaslighting as a means to assert dominance or sway others’ understanding of their experiences, perceptions, and what they consider real.
She has listed the following methods to recognize gaslighting within an intimate partnership.
- Frequently questioning your memory of occurrences and experiencing confusion during interactions with someone.
- Experiencing loneliness apart from your friends and family
- Often experiencing guilt or shame within your partnership
- Frequently saying sorry without knowing the reason
- Regularly finding that the other individual disregards or dismisses your feelings and worries.
Doctor Steele indicates that gaslighting typically progresses through various stages.
As explained by Dr. Steele, the phases of gaslighting typically start with being overly idealized by your partner, then move into a phase where you feel devalued, which often leaves you feeling bewildered,
This might make you question your understanding of what’s real, potentially allowing the other individual to dominate the circumstances or the relationship. As a result, the person experiencing this manipulation could feel vulnerable, reliant, and lacking power.
What steps should one take to free themselves from manipulation by a gaslighter and heal?
Dr. Steele motivates individuals to reach out for assistance during their recovery from gaslighting.
According to Dr. Steele, “Discuss your worries with someone you trust, like your spouse, a buddy, a relative, or a healthcare provider such as a psychologist, therapist, or marriage counselor.”
It’s crucial to focus on bolstering our sense of self when exiting an unhealthy relationship, which involves enhancing our self-esteem, trusting our instincts, and accurately perceiving reality. Additionally, reaching out for assistance to supportive friends and family members is essential.
Creating balanced connections with people around us can offer a secure space where we feel heard and our feelings and stories are acknowledged.
It may also aid in restoring our self-esteem and ability to trust others.
What are the essential elements for maintaining a healthy relationship?
Doctor Steele mentions that a healthy relationship possesses several essential features which encompass:
- Mutual respect
- Trust
- Safety
- Support
- Honest and open communication
- Healthy conflict resolution
- Equality
- Shared values and goals
- Empathy
- Physical and emotional intimacy
Can gaslighting be unintentional?
Yes, it can.
Dr. Steele indicates that it might occur inadvertently “when it represents an unthinking rejection of truth rather than a deliberate action aimed at manipulating or dominating the other person.”
If after reading this, you realize ‘I’m the gaslighter,’ what steps should you take?
Doctor Stern offers some excellent guidance if you believe that describes your situation.
“Admitting that you have used gaslighting tactics is a significant and brave initial move,” according to Dr. Stern.
Spend some moments contemplating what motivated those behaviors — were you attempting to dictate the story, dodge accountability, conceal deceit, or just find it hard to handle a challenging situation?
Gaining insight into your motivations is crucial for bringing about significant transformation.
Accept responsibility for any damage you might have inflicted, yet understand that those you’ve wounded could require distance, time, or well-defined limits.
Genuine change starts with taking responsibility, showing understanding, and making an ongoing pledge to improve.
Equally crucial is cultivating emotional abilities — mastering the skill of managing your emotions, communicating openly, and enduring unease without seeking control.
Developing these internal tactics is not just feasible; it’s crucial for fostering healthier, more respectful relationships in the future.
