A lot of parents use punishments like taking away toys, skipping meals, or threatening to leave an activity or location. Children may genuinely comply when threats are used to correct misbehaviour. But in the long term, it doesn’t work.
Young children can learn the difference between right and wrong with the help of discipline, which also teaches them what behaviours are acceptable and safe.
As a long-term deterrent to poor behaviour, empty threats, however, have the potential to erode confidence and be ineffectual. Numerous unforeseen consequences may result from it.
Understanding how punishment and enforcing consequences affect developing brains and, consequently, how to positively influence the relationship between parents and their children has been emphasised by numerous parents, psychologists, mental health activists, and child experts.
Although punitive parenting methods cause children to comply in the short term, they deeply harm the parent-child connection in the long term. Additionally, enforcing consequences affects children’s self-worth and self-esteem.
These punitive methods, which can be more specifically described as Achievement-Oriented Parental Control (AOC), have negative effects on both the emotional and psychological well-being of children.
In response, Dr Jibril Abdulmalik, a consultant psychiatrist and the CEO of the Asido Foundation, stated that parents must learn how to relate to their children, how to mentor them, how to correct them lovingly, and how to make sure they learn the right thing without necessarily using physical harm, threats, or beatings.
“If you make threats or beat every day, after a while, it stops resonating, it stops working, it becomes ineffective. However, you must have a conversation with them and help them realise why their actions were wrong, what they could have done differently, and why their handling of the situation was poor,” he said.
A lot of parents use threats to manage difficult behaviour. Parents with children between the ages of three and five are the most likely to use threats, according to a nationwide survey on children’s health. It was conducted by the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll.
Many parents also reported threatening to leave an activity or place. Surprisingly, nearly half of parents have turned to bribes to address difficult behaviour.
Based on responses from 725 parents of children ages one to five, the survey identified a number of common challenges, such as children’s inability to comprehend, techniques that don’t always work, preventing public outbursts being a priority, and exhaustion and feeling overburdened frequently impeding consistency.
The poll revealed that two-fifths of parents believe their strategies are very effective, while three in five find them somewhat effective.
Parents often seek advice from multiple sources, including the child’s other parent or family and friends. They also turn to parenting books, articles, and social media.
However, fewer than 20% of parents discussed discipline strategies with a healthcare provider. Alarmingly, one in eight parents admitted they haven’t thought much about their approaches.
Some also acknowledged using outdated or unadvised methods. For example, two in five parents sometimes spank their children, despite evidence linking spanking to increased aggression and defiance in preschoolers.
Children have a brain; they are growing; they are learning. So, “parents need to feed their learning by explaining to them, answering their inquisitive questions and correcting them in love with explanations. That is much more effective and evidence-based than just threats and beatings,” he added.
Dr Abdulmalik said that rather than merely using physical punishment or threats, the most effective way to discipline kids is to explain the reasoning behind the behaviour so they understand its effects and repercussions.
No doubt, discipline matters. Discipline plays a crucial role in helping them learn the difference between right and wrong. Mott paediatrician and Mott Poll co-director, Dr Susan Woolford, in a reaction, highlighted the importance of tailoring strategies to a child’s age and development.
Woolford emphasised the importance of logical consequences for preschoolers. For example, if a child spills a drink in anger, an appropriate consequence would be cleaning up the mess. Unrelated punishments are less effective.
Parents need flexibility when implementing discipline strategies. “As children grow, their responses to discipline will also change, so parents should adapt their strategies and stay open to new approaches,” Woolford said.
She also stressed balancing correction with positive reinforcement, such as praise and rewards. This approach helps children build self-esteem while learning from mistakes.
Although it might seem like a quick remedy, threatening children usually has no lasting effects. Rather, parents should concentrate on age-appropriate, consistent methods that promote positive reinforcement and reasonable consequences.
As Woolford highlighted, discipline isn’t about control—it’s about teaching. With planning, patience, and adaptability, parents can help children develop safe, appropriate behaviours that last a lifetime.
Threats only affect a child until they are self-sufficient. It damages the link between parents and children, undermines self-worth, and causes complexes in children. Since children are so sensitive, treating them with respect increases their sense of self-worth. Therefore, parents should cease threatening them with anything.
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