There are couples who, in private, speak to each other in a high-pitched voice, using a voice straight from the depths of childhood. They adopt a tone that is almost childlike and engage in romantic jousts worthy of a schoolyard. While baby talk may sound a little silly to the outsider, it is a language of love in its own right.
Baby talk as a couple: the sound of music?
There are couples who exchange sweet nothings with a warm, rounded voice, similar to that of movie actors, but there are others who flirt with each other by drawing on their childhood vocabulary. Perhaps you, too, adjust your voice to gaga mode whenever you address your partner.
Chewed consonants, a Calimero-esque pout, a slightly feverish voice that seems as if it hasn’t yet broken, nicknames based on “mamour” and “roudoudou.” The sentimental declarations are far less academic and accomplished than those put into words by Baudelaire. They could even resonate somewhere between hopscotch and kindergarten soccer goals.
Couples commonly speak baby talk, a primitive language that’s perfectly natural for a three-year-old but somewhat less understood by lovers aged 20 and over. Baby talk, often heard over the crib, also serves as a bridge between transiting partners.
This disjointed, melting language, which causes discomfort in those who are watching it, is not a sign of immaturity. On the contrary, it is a tool of complicity. “
It’s actually very common and most couples use it when they want to show vulnerability or get closer in a very intimate way
,” Kathryn Smerling, a family therapist, told
NBC News
.
Why do we use this regressive voice?
When couples convert to baby talk, they abandon their original voice and linguistic skills to speak as if in front of blackboards and magic coloring pages. It sometimes takes an extra octave and a very simplified vocabulary, barely more elaborate than “gouzi-gouzi” (a little more sophisticated than “goo-goo-goo”) to get down to a child’s level.
On the other hand, engaging in baby talk between bills and laundry with someone who’s well past the diaper phase may seem a bit frivolous, if not completely inappropriate. To other people, this baby talk is almost criminal. However, courting with onomatopoeia and exaggerated syllables is not at all grotesque or unhealthy.
While some filter everything that crosses their lips, partners who use this naive gibberish are not afraid to be themselves and drop their adult shell. Ultimately, complicity is measured in octaves. Baby talk, as a couple, has a strong
emotional
value.
Baby talk “
shows that there is a strong bond between two people, who trust each other enough to feel ‘ridiculous’ with each other,
” says Alexandra Vatimbella, couples therapist and sexologist, in the columns of
HuffPost
.
What it hides deeper
Speaking to your partner with the same intonation as you would your 2-year-old nephew doesn’t mean you see them as a baby in need of assistance or a childish child. In fact, baby talk is a bit like the Proust’s Madeleine of the couple: it’s reassuring and secure. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist, for
Well and Good
goes even further, evoking a “feeling of warmth.” This is no surprise, since baby talk refers to that golden period of childhood, a carefree slice of life when all it took was a piece of paper to go out with someone. Baby talk opens a precious interlude in the sometimes dizzying demands of adult life.
However, this primal communication style, which brings out our inner child, can also reflect inner wounds. This is especially true when baby talk is recurrent, when it becomes the only common thread in conversations, even serious ones. In this case, the diagnosis is clear: it’s a severe emotional dependency. People who abuse baby talk are generally unable to express their emotions.
Baby talk, to be practiced in moderation
For baby talk to be effective in a couple, it has to be a two-way street. There’s no question of one partner acting like a big baby and the other using their usual voice, without participating in their sentimentality. Baby talk is a bit like an escape hatch in adult life, an escape from responsibilities.
Far from being superficial, baby talk gives voice to our inner child, often in search of love and tenderness. However, while it readily features in squabbles and jokes, it clashes with serious discussions. On the eve of a formal conversation about a mortgage or a future project, the voice resurfaces and the adult takes over once again.
While some couples reaffirm their love with an
“I love you”
or roses, others do so with drawn-out words and sandbox language.
