A Newborn and a Strict Bedtime: The Struggle Between Parents
When couples become parents, they often make plans about how they will share responsibilities, especially during the night. But what happens when one parent sets strict boundaries that don’t align with the realities of parenting a newborn? This situation has sparked a lot of discussion and reflection for one mother who feels caught between her husband’s expectations and the demands of raising a baby.
The couple, both in their late 20s, have been together for 2.5 years and welcomed their son in January. Life has been mostly good, but this particular issue has left the mother feeling frustrated. Her husband, Brad, was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, which can sometimes make communication challenging. Despite these challenges, the couple tries their best to work through their differences.
Brad works part-time due to his health conditions, and the couple made a decision early on about how to handle parental leave. Instead of the mother taking a full year off, Brad took most of the time to ensure that if his temporary health insurance was denied, he could still maintain his work schedule and receive some income. This arrangement allowed the mother to return to work part-time as a private teacher, working from home.
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She chose her hours carefully, scheduling sessions with students in different countries. Most of her classes are in the afternoon when Brad is home with their son, and she has one evening session each week from 11 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. This setup worked well until recently, when Brad began insisting on going to bed at 11 p.m. every night.
They had previously discussed that if the baby woke up after 11 p.m., Brad would be responsible for handling it. However, things changed when the baby started waking up more frequently. One night, the mother informed Brad that she had a student at 11 p.m. and hoped the baby would stay asleep. Brad responded by stating that his bedtime was 11 p.m., and anything after that would be her problem.
That night, the baby did wake up, and Brad went to bed anyway. The mother ended up nursing the baby back to sleep and going to bed shortly after 11:30 p.m. The next morning, Brad seemed upset, and their usual goodbye hug didn’t happen. When the mother asked if he was still upset, he confirmed that she had crossed his boundary.
This situation has left the mother feeling conflicted. She knows they need to talk about it, but she also feels that parenting doesn’t come with a clock. Many people online agree, pointing out that there is no set bedtime when you have a newborn. Some argue that Brad’s diagnosis isn’t an excuse for his behavior, while others find the whole situation amusing.
Parenting is a shared responsibility, and it often means showing up no matter what the time is. While setting personal boundaries is important, it’s equally crucial to understand that being a parent requires flexibility and adaptability. The mother is now considering how to address this issue with Brad, hoping for a more balanced approach that respects both their needs.
