At some stage in the journey of many parents, their children mature and no longer require their presence as intensely as before. If you have spent more than ten years nurturing them, possibly sacrificing your own passions along the way, this transition can be especially challenging.
Here’s the paraphrased version of your text: This is the situation of a mother who went to Reddit to openly express herself:My teenage children don’t want me around.
The parent described their children, who are 15 and 17 years old, as “remarkable kids” – they achieve high academic results; participate in community activities; and do not smoke, use drugs, or consume alcohol.
I strive to provide them with all the things I lacked. I genuinely believe I have broken the cycle for them,” the parent stated, referring to her own upbringing. “However, they don’t appear to want me.
“My husband says they’re growing up and don’t need me as much. In my mind, it means I’ve done a good job, that they can fly on their own, but my heart aches because they aren’t as interested in being with me,” she confessed.
After spending a significant portion of her life caring for them, she is finding it difficult to adjust to the new role. “I know it’s positive, but what do mothers do when they reach this point? Help me grasp what’s considered normal,” she continued.
Tips for dealing with rejection from teenagers
First on the list, understand that you’re not by yourself – and it’s truly not about you personally.
From age 10 to 19, adolescents go throughquick development in physical, mental, and social aspectsas per the World Health Organisation (WHO).
As part of this, they may start distancing themselves from their parents, whichadolescent therapist Ashley Hudsonspoken is part of a common stage of growth.
Adolescents desire and unconsciously seek autonomy. Their internal clock signals, ‘Hey! You need to learn how to handle adult responsibilities, because you’ll soon be on your own,’she explained.
A Reddit user repeated that the original poster’s children still have affection for her — “this is healthy and how they develop independence while still having their amazing parents to rely on when needed,” they mentioned.
They also advised the parent to make new friends (or reconnect with old ones), and revive hobbies they love to fill the emptiness: “This is the time to nurture some of your passions and spend time with interesting people.”
A different parent who experienced a comparable phase acknowledged that they began therapy because they “didn’t feel like [they] could be happy without being needed by [their] children the way [they] were when [they] were young.”
“You’re living in an age of subtle role modeling,” added another user.
For years, you were the central figure in their lives, and now they’re starting to carve out their own path. However, remember that they’re still observing you. Demonstrate how to grow up by setting a good example. Show yourself compassion, spend time with friends, exercise, and achieve your personal objectives. Be true to yourself!
You are now the main attraction. They will take notice, and it will influence how they grow into adults and parents. Believe me.
What a therapist says…
Therapist Madeleine Kingsley, affiliated with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), stated to HuffPost UK: “It’s a reality that isn’t always recognized, that parenting teenagers is completely different from raising younger children.”
Although you were once regarded with “almost Olympic-level admiration” and seen as “household royalty,” she observed that “it can be a significant blow to discover that your crown has slipped, pushed aside as your teenagers choose to spend time with friends and question the values you’ve instilled in them.”
She added, “Slammed doors, one-word replies, ‘floordrobes’ and apple cores beneath the bed… it’s understandable if you think your beloved child has been swapped with a grumpy alien who wants both physical and emotional distance from you.”
At this moment, it’s common to mourn the loss of the well-structured narrative phase and question if you’ll ever reconnect, mentioned the therapist.
“But remain hopeful and understand that even when you feel unnecessary and empty, youth will come to an end,” she added.
Stay attentive and accessible, don’t push them away.As parentologist Kerry Stutzmanexplains: “What we need to do is continue to be present with love, warmth, and care, showing interest in their lives and well-being. (And yes, it’s okay to establish boundaries if they are disrespectful.)”
She said, “We must allow them to push away from us. We are intended to be the strong platform that they leap from.”
They will return eventually…
Many individuals commented on the Reddit post, sharing that as teenagers they distanced themselves from their parents, but as adults, they often returned to their families and now enjoy strong relationships with them.
One respondent shared, ‘I was a terrible teenager for my amazing parents. It wasn’t until I entered adulthood and became a parent myself that everything made sense. Now, my relationship with my parents is truly wonderful. Keep being an incredible mom, and I’m confident things will continue to improve over the next few years and decades.’
Another responded: “I’m 23, so it hasn’t been that long since I was that age, and I was similar. Once I moved out and was around 19 or 20, I started to reconnect with my mom. I would call her every day on my way home from work and talk for hours. Sometimes we’d meet for lunch or I’d stop by for dinner. Give it some time and they’ll want to be close again!”
Hang on in there!
