Understanding the Harm of Brightsiding
When someone experiences a difficult situation, it is natural to seek support and understanding from others. However, responses like “it could be worse” or “look on the bright side” can often feel dismissive or unhelpful. These types of statements, commonly referred to as “brightsiding,” are meant to offer comfort but can end up making the person feel invalidated or misunderstood.
Brightsiding is the practice of responding to negative events with an overly positive perspective. It involves minimizing the pain of a situation by suggesting there is always a silver lining, even when that might not be the case. This approach can be particularly harmful in situations involving major losses such as death, divorce, chronic illness, or job loss, where the emotional impact is significant and real.
What Is Brightsiding?
Brightsiding is more than just a simple attempt to stay positive; it is a form of emotional invalidation. It occurs when someone responds to another person’s pain with forced optimism, often under the belief that maintaining a positive outlook is the only way to cope. This mindset is closely related to toxic positivity, which promotes the idea that one must always maintain a positive attitude regardless of the circumstances.
Experts suggest that brightsiding stems from a desire to help or reassure, but it often results in dismissing genuine emotions. Instead of offering empathy, it pushes the person to move past their feelings quickly, which can prevent them from processing their emotions in a healthy way.
Examples of Brightsiding in Practice
Brightsiding can take many forms, including:
- Telling someone going through a tough time, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
- Saying to someone diagnosed with a chronic illness, “At least now you will be able to slow down and enjoy life.”
- Telling someone who lost a job, “You’ll find something even better!”
- Responding to a breakup with, “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
- Commenting on an illness with, “Well, at least it’s not cancer.”
- Telling someone who is burned out, “At least you have a job.”
These statements bypass the emotional reality of the situation and instead focus on offering a quick, positive solution. While well-intentioned, they can make the person feel unheard and disconnected from their own emotions.
Why Brightsiding Can Be Harmful
Although those who engage in brightsiding typically do so with good intentions, the effect can be damaging. Brightsiding can minimize the person’s suffering and make them feel like they are being overly negative or complaining unnecessarily. It can also lead to feelings of shame or isolation, as it suggests that their emotions are not valid or acceptable.
Over time, this kind of response can erode trust and discourage people from expressing their true feelings. It sends a message that their pain is not important or that they should be able to handle it on their own. This can prevent them from seeking the support they need and hinder their ability to heal.
How to Avoid Brightsiding
Instead of offering quick fixes or positive spin, there are more effective ways to support someone going through a difficult time. Here are some strategies to consider:
1. Listen First
Before offering any advice or comments, take the time to truly listen. Show empathy by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and paraphrasing what the person is saying. Let them express their feelings without interruption.
2. Validate Their Emotions
Rather than trying to push them toward positivity, acknowledge their emotions. Use phrases like, “That sounds really painful. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” This shows that you understand and care about their experience.
3. Ask How You Can Help
If you’re unsure what to say, ask the person how you can support them. Questions like, “What’s on your mind?” or “How are you feeling?” can open the door for deeper conversation. You can also ask, “Do you want advice, or would you like me to just hear you?”
4. Offer Your Presence
Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is simply be there. You don’t need to have all the answers or know exactly what to say. Just showing up and offering your time and attention can make a big difference.
By avoiding brightsiding and focusing on empathy, validation, and support, you can create a safe space for someone to process their emotions and begin healing.
