Understanding the Etiquette of Cash Gifts at Weddings
In many cultures around the world, it’s common for guests to give cash gifts to newlyweds. This tradition varies widely across different regions and can be an integral part of the celebration. For instance, in Greece and Cyprus, guests pin banknotes to a dancing bride, while in Nigeria, couples are often sprayed with money as well-wishers throw cash around them. These customs reflect the deep cultural significance of financial support during one of life’s most important milestones.
In the UK, more couples are beginning to accept cash gifts instead of traditional wedding registries. However, determining how much to give and how to present it can be confusing. To help navigate this etiquette challenge, we spoke with two etiquette experts and a personal finance specialist to offer their insights.
How Much Should You Give?
Liz Wyse, an etiquette adviser at Debrett’s, emphasizes that the key is to give what you can afford without feeling pressured. “If the couple getting married are relatives or very close friends, you will naturally be more generous,” she says. However, if the wedding is a destination event or requires significant travel expenses, it’s acceptable to adjust the amount accordingly. That said, Wyse cautions against using pre-wedding events like stag or hen parties as an excuse to give less, as these are typically organized by the best man or chief bridesmaid, not the couple themselves.
Laura Windsor, founder of the Etiquette Academy, suggests that the typical gift range falls between £50 and £150. Close friends or family members might give between £75 and £150, while those who are less connected may contribute less.
The Best Way to Give Money
When it comes to giving cash, the method should be guided by the couple’s preferences. Considerate couples usually provide some direction on how they would like to receive gifts. If the couple has set up an online wedding cash registry, guests can easily choose how much to give, which can feel less demanding than providing bank details directly.
However, experts warn that asking for cash on wedding invitations is still considered impolite. Instead, word of mouth remains the most respectful way to inform guests about the request. Couples can also include the registry link in their invitations and mention cash as one of the options.
Additionally, it’s helpful to explain where the money will be used, especially if some guests are hesitant. “Be upfront about where the money is going, whether it be for home improvement, your honeymoon, or a down payment on a house,” says Wyse. This transparency can make the request more palatable.
Can You Give a Gift Instead of Cash?
While it’s your choice to give a gift rather than cash, there are considerations to keep in mind. Wyse notes that if the couple has asked for money, they likely don’t have pressing household needs. In such cases, a unique or thoughtful gift may be more appropriate, but there’s always a risk that the couple may not appreciate it, especially if their tastes differ from yours.
Sarah Coles, head of personal finance at Hargreaves Lansdown, points out that some guests may bring items the couple doesn’t want or need. She suggests that if you’re very close to the couple, a special gift could be an exception. However, for more distant relationships, cash is often the better choice.
Is It Okay to Attend Without a Gift?
Experts agree that it’s generally not acceptable to attend a wedding without a gift, regardless of the expenses incurred. “It’s traditionally frowned upon to show up and not give a gift at all—similar to showing up to a child’s birthday party without a present,” says Coles.
Wyse adds that guests should comply unless the couple explicitly states they don’t want presents or prefers a charitable donation instead. If attending the wedding is financially challenging, it’s best to communicate openly with the couple. Coles advises explaining the situation and arranging a more affordable celebration later.
Ultimately, weddings are significant life events that involve both celebration and hospitality. Whether you choose to give cash, a gift, or simply attend, being considerate and respectful of the couple’s wishes is key.
