The Science of Letting Go: Mo Gawdat’s 90-Second Rule for Happiness
After two decades of research, entrepreneur and author Mo Gawdat has developed a powerful strategy to help individuals move past the things that cause them distress. His approach is rooted in the idea that happiness is not just a feeling but a skill that can be learned and practiced.
One key difference between happy people and others is their ability to quickly process and release negative emotions. According to Gawdat, this is a skill that anyone can develop. As a former chief business officer at Google X, an entrepreneur, and a bestselling author, he has dedicated over 20 years to studying the science of happiness.
Gawdat believes that one of the main barriers to happiness is the tendency to hold onto upsetting events. These moments can linger in our minds, creating cycles of stress and frustration. To break free from this pattern, he suggests using the 90-second rule—a technique based on neuroscience that explains how stress and anger hormones are flushed out of the body within 90 seconds.
This means that after a minute and a half of intense emotional reaction, there is an opportunity to shift focus and move forward. However, many people fail to take this step. Instead, they repeatedly revisit the source of their upset, reactivating those stress hormones and prolonging the emotional pain.
To break this cycle, Gawdat recommends giving yourself 90 seconds to fully experience your emotions when something upsetting happens. After that time, stop and ask yourself, “Now, what am I going to do?” This simple question helps redirect your mental energy toward constructive action rather than dwelling on the problem.
If you find that even after 90 seconds you’re still feeling deeply upset, it’s okay. Gawdat himself sometimes experiences this. In such cases, he asks himself three specific questions to gain clarity and perspective.
The Three Questions for Greater Happiness
The first question is: Is whatever is bothering me true? It’s easy to assume the worst without knowing the full story. For example, if a regular customer hasn’t placed an order as expected, you might imagine they’ve moved their business elsewhere. But there could be other explanations—like the person being on vacation or sick.
The second question is: Is there anything I can do about it? If the answer is yes, then take action. If not, move to the third question.
The third question is: Can I accept the situation and continue doing my best despite it? This concept, which Gawdat calls “committed acceptance,” allows you to find peace and move forward regardless of circumstances.
Gawdat has personally experienced the power of these principles. Thirteen years into his happiness research, he lost his 21-year-old son unexpectedly during routine surgery. He used the lessons he had learned to support himself and his family through the grief. Later, he compiled all his insights into his book Solve for Happy.
Many people are seeking ways to improve their well-being and happiness. Some receive daily text messages with self-care tips or motivational challenges. These messages often lead to meaningful conversations, as recipients reach out to discuss their experiences. Those interested can try the service with a two-month free trial and easily cancel anytime.
Gawdat’s approach offers a practical and effective way to manage emotional challenges and build long-term happiness. By understanding the science behind emotions and learning to let go, anyone can take steps toward a more fulfilling life.
