A Struggle Over Inheritance and Family Bonds
The situation within the family has become increasingly complex, especially regarding the ownership of property and the emotional toll it has taken on everyone involved. The mother, who is now in her 70s, holds the title deeds to the family house and another plot of land. Her daughter, who lives nearby, has taken a different path, becoming deeply involved in superstitious practices. This has led to a series of conflicts that have tested the family’s relationships and raised questions about what is right and fair.
The family consists of four children: two sons and a daughter. Due to work opportunities, the two brothers and I had to move south to build our careers. We manage to get by with just enough income to cover our basic needs. Meanwhile, our sister stayed in the north, close to our parents. She married and lived near them, but her husband passed away over a decade ago, leaving her to raise her children alone. As her children grew up, she found herself without a stable source of income.
During her husband’s illness, our sister turned to fortune-tellers and rituals for help, which was influenced by her limited education. Over time, she became more and more obsessed with these practices. She even worked as a spiritual medium for a while, which further deepened her belief in the supernatural. This obsession led to significant losses, including the sale of a valuable piece of land worth VND800 million (US$30,600) and the abandonment of an under-construction house.
She also convinced our mother to take out loans to fund these superstitious activities, leaving our mother in debt. Despite this, our mother continues to engage in daily rituals, even when she doesn’t have enough food to eat. Recently, she sold another plot of land without informing us, just to support her habits. On one occasion, she spent VND150 million in a single day on a large ritual for the entire lineage.
Our mother still holds onto the title deeds of the family home and another piece of land. We are worried that she might eventually pawn or waste them on her beliefs. Therefore, my brothers and I recently returned home to ask her to hand over the documents. She refused, claiming that our father had told her before his death that she should only give them to us when she was gone.
We are not trying to fight over the inheritance or take control of the property. Our concern is that if she sells everything, there will be no place for any of us to return to if we face hard times. This is why we felt we had no choice but to approach her.
We tried to persuade her gently and even pressed her at times, but nothing changed. I had to take a break from work and travel back and forth between the south and my hometown for two months, spending VND50 million on travel and risking my job, just to convince her. In the end, it didn’t make a difference.
Out of frustration, I lost my temper and said harsh things to her. She ran away for two months. When I finally reached out to make peace, she accused us of mistreating her, saying we forced an old woman to “wander around homeless, without clothes,” and called us “uneducated and unfilial.”
Afterward, she declared that the house and land would be divided into five parts, one for each family member, but only on one condition: “Only the one who takes care of me until I die will get the papers.”
For the past 20 years, my brothers and I have sent her money every month. When our father fell ill, we covered all his medical expenses while our sister contributed nothing because she was in debt and unemployed. She even took money from our mother.
Yet now, our mother says we are the ones who failed her. Financially, we have done our part, but because we live far away, we cannot be there with her every day. She is now over 70, yet still clings tightly to the property documents, and we are truly worried.
Are we being unreasonable or unfilial? How can we obtain the title deeds from our mother while still conforming to both moral and legal standards? And how can we distance our mother from our sister to keep her from falling deeper into superstition?
