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40 People Spoke on Signs of a Great or Troubled Relationship — And They Were Right

40 People Spoke on Signs of a Great or Troubled Relationship — And They Were Right

Reddit user Suspicious-Brush-570asked the group, “What is a”green flagwhich relationships do most people ignore?

Meanwhile, a different Reddit discussion highlighted thecomplete opposite, emphasizing extremely concerning red flags that are outright dealbreakers.

Here are some warning signs versus positive indicators that people consider extremely important in relationships (just to present both perspectives):

Note: Some submissions cover issues related to domestic and verbal abuse. Please be careful when proceeding.

1.Green flag: “Sacrifice, openness, and responsibility. I mention this because the opposite is someone who is always right, never asks for assistance or shows any vulnerability, and doesn’t value you or your feelings. You can observe this phenomenon in many places if you take a moment to pay attention.”

u/Far_Introduction8393

2.Red flag: “If a partner doesn’t accept ‘no’ when you kindly say you don’t wish to go out tonight, you aren’t interested in going on a trip, or you don’t want a specific friend to visit, it could indicate they have a ‘my way or nothing’ mindset. Healthy relationships require mutual give-and-take.”

u/dishonourableaccount

3.Green flag: “Constructive disagreements. Many people view arguments negatively, but they are essential. A positive discussion about an issue that requires resolution within a relationship. Today, my spouse and I had a significant disagreement regarding financial responsibilities, and both of us presented valid perspectives. There was considerable emotion involved, as it had been building for a month. It’s important to express your feelings and share your worries. You can’t remain silent — you are also a human being.”

u/TheExaltedPrime

4.Red flag: “If they continuously focus on themselves and their activities, and whenever the discussion shifts away from them, they redirect it back to themselves. If they must be the focal point of attention constantly, even if they aren’t fond of the people giving them that attention. These are typically the most noticeable signs, indicating there may be an underlying issue.”

u/UncivilizedSociety

5.Green flag: “Living a ‘normal’ life.” Many individuals are misled by social media, where everyone seems to want to date Superman or Wonder Woman. People who lead a typical life—with a regular job, studies, common habits, and characteristics—are often overlooked, and I find that completely ridiculous. It’s as if you’re not deserving of love or not worthy of loving someone who isn’t the most attractive, smartest, wealthiest, and most productive person on the planet.

u/ma1may

6.Red flag: “I consistently ask them to identify one action or inaction that had a negative effect in their recent relationships. If they are unable to point out any specific behavior and instead attribute all issues to the other person, that’s a warning sign.”

u/WorldlinessUsual4528

7.Green flag: “They speak well of you when you’re not present. I understand that you can’t always be aware of this, but occasionally you might catch wind of it. I knew a man who constantly criticized his wife — I believe their relationship is very poor. He lacks respect for her. I often refer to my wife as ‘a true saint.'”

u/Mahaloth

8.Warning sign: “Constantly criticizing others. All their former partners are described as ‘unrestrained,’ their friends and colleagues are seen as ‘morons.’ Yet, they believe they are the only one who can ‘get things done properly.'”

u/ikeda1

9.Green flag: “You aren’t hesitant to express your thoughts. You’re aware they won’t respond with excessive emotion, create a disturbance, or criticize you. Even if they don’t concur or don’t completely grasp you.”

u/beautitan

10.Red flag: “Deceiving on minor issues. It’s common for people to lie now and then, but fabricating details about trivial matters, such as what they had for lunch, their activities after work, or the television programs they viewed, is a significant warning sign.”

u/ANBU_Black_0ps

11.Green flag: “When they listen to understand and implement what they’ve learned. For instance, you mention that you enjoy getting a daily ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ message, and subsequently, they begin doing the same.”

u/mandersandmash

12.Red flag: “Extreme self-awareness that leads them to constantly undermine themselves and rely on your praise to improve their feelings. Also, frequent mood changes that they claim you simply need to accept.”

u/TheVillageLooney

13.Green flag: “A person who recognizes that solitude is essential for certain individuals, and doesn’t interpret it as a sign that the other person has lost their affection for you.”

u/GnomeoromeNZ

14.Red flag: “They desire to be essential more than they desire their own happiness, or for yours to be fulfilled.”

u/Kat36912

15.Green flag: “If they can be relied upon to keep minor secrets that don’t carry significant repercussions if exposed, that’s likely an indicator they can be trusted with more substantial secrets.”

u/AleksandrNevsky

16.Red flag: “Fabricating tales to impress others is essentially a delusional mindset, and they likely exhibit narcissistic traits.”

u/[deleted]

17.Green flag: “Particularly regarding men: how they treat or speak about their mothers. From my own experience, they will ultimately treat and speak to you in the same manner. I seek men who have a positive relationship with their mother, but not an overbearing one.”

u/Pepper233

18.Red flag: “When they ask you to cut off friendships that weren’t related to the relationship, and don’t allow me to speak to my best friend.”

u/[deleted]

19.Green flag: “Clearly, this isn’t applicable to everyone (particularly if you’re from a difficult family background), but your perspective on family. One aspect I really respect about my partner is that he consistently sets aside time each week to have dinner with his parents. He helps out with physical tasks around their home, and was simply brought up the proper way. It’s very appealing.”

u/sugarplumbuttfluck

20.Red flag: “I recently discovered that baby talk is a major turn-off for me. He speaks three languages, but he used ‘peeez’ instead of ‘please’ more than once. It really made him less appealing to me.”

u/NuttyBoButty

21.Green flag: “Recognizing your unique qualities. They could be aspects that test you or add more value to your life that you wouldn’t have otherwise!”

u/prollycantsleep

22.Red flag: “Continuously holding your hand and refusing to let go. It might seem innocent at first, as if they just want to be near you, but it indicates a significant disregard for personal boundaries if they believe they can touch you without your permission. On my very first date, a guy did this to me and wouldn’t release my hand, even when I tried to pull away. I initially thought it was supposed to be ‘romantic,’ but now I see how unsettling it actually was.”

u/Appropriate_Bowl_829

23.Green flag: “When meeting a new person, they immediately earn my respect if they think about what accommodations someone might require. For instance, asking if I’m okay with them vaping or smoking before doing so. Once, I was at a potluck with coworkers, and a new guy asked if anyone had any dietary restrictions or allergies. We ended up becoming good friends. Also, when they recognize someone’s holiday even if they don’t observe it themselves. I’m not Jewish, but I appreciate the gesture—thank you, and I hope you have a happy Hanukkah as well!”

u/SenorAnanas

24.Red flag: “Shouting at animals is a dealbreaker for me. I find it really annoying when people scream at pets for things they can’t help, such as a dog or cat seeking affection. Although we all get upset with our pets sometimes, consistently yelling at them will make me lose interest in you very quickly.”

u/Lostmixup

25.Green flag: “Remaining parked until you have entered your home.”

u/blue_pony_licker

My boyfriend consistently accompanies me to my car when I’m departing from his house, and he ensures that I arrive home safely when he drops me off.

Thinking about it, he actually walks me to the door when he drops me off… but I think that’s because he’s usually trying to sneak inside so he can spend the night. Still, he gets credit for it.

u/Dramiotic

26.Red flag: “I can’t deal with people who aren’t intellectually curious. If I come across a new and unique experience, and they respond with ‘eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh,’ then it’s not going to work. I need someone who, when I bring up something new, says: ‘Yeah, okay, let’s try it.'”

u/GeebusNZ

27.Green flag: “Being attentive when you’re discussing something that interests you. He might not have a clue what you’re talking about, but simply listening and making an effort to show interest makes a big difference. I’ve experienced many people who glance at their phones and respond with ‘Mmm’ while I’m trying to share something I’m passionate about. That’s the most frustrating experience.”

u/_Eliotto_

28.Red flag: “Extreme outgoingness — when they have no restraint and are indifferent to others’ perspectives. They reveal too much and fail to grasp limits.”

u/glitterinmytears

29.Green flag: “When he ensures you’re walking on the inner part of the sidewalk, away from the road. I hadn’t realized that was something until my boyfriend started doing it! It’s a very small gesture, but it always makes me smile :).”

u/oma1v2

30.Red flag: “Not possessing a driver’s license. I’ve driven four hours each way on vacation while my ex was resting in the passenger seat — we did that several times. The ‘lazy’ person never wanted to obtain it in the first place. Yes, I’m somewhat responsible for tolerating it for so long, but I’ll never make that mistake again.”

u/BUFUByUsFuckYou

31.Green flag: “On our first date with my future fiancé, we were discussing books and I shared some of my favorite titles. A few weeks later, he informed me that he had purchased and read one of the books I mentioned, wanting to talk about it with me. This demonstrated that he valued my opinions and suggestions, that he genuinely wanted to discover shared interests, and that he wasn’t ’embarrassed’ about reading women’s fiction (I dislike that term, but it’s a significant trend where men often avoid books primarily targeted at women!).”

u/Every_Difference365

32.Red flag: “Making fun of my music preferences or hobbies, even if it’s meant to be humorous.” I have never done this to any of my partners, but every abusive partner I’ve had used this behavior before things turned serious. No more.

u/Ineffable_Dingus

I dislike that—just let people appreciate the music they enjoy! My partner did this, and it got to the point where I stopped listening to music while doing tasks—just to avoid the small comments or jokes. I cared for her, but it was really frustrating.

u/Comfortable-Mix1870

33.Green flag: “Men who have numerous female friends are definitely a positive sign. For me, this suggests that they are guys whom women feel comfortable around, and they appreciate women as friends rather than seeing them all as ‘sexual objects.’ After our first date with my current husband, I ‘Facebook stalked’ him and saw that most of his high school friends were girls. That instantly made me think he was a reliable person to keep dating.”

u/catieebug

34.Red flag: “Avoiding sharing even one photo of us as a couple. It doesn’t need to be constantly posted online, but why not share that one amazing shot of us at the summit?”

u/horsewangjackson

35.Green flag: “Reiterate information in a manner that doesn’t seem like copying (this is something my previous manager taught me). For instance, when you meet someone new, repeat their name two times during a casual chat (nearly immediately). Something like, ‘Where did you mention you’re from, Dave? Did you attend school there, Dave?’ You’ll never forget a name this way — I’m certain of it. You can apply this technique to other details as well. It has been extremely effective for me.”

u/killsafety

36.Red flag: “I enjoy feeling desired. Therefore, if I’m always arranging the dates, starting all the messages and calls, and initiating intimacy each time, it won’t be successful. I’ll start to believe you’re not interested in me, and I’d prefer not to spend my time or yours.”

u/dirtyEEE

37.Green flag: “If someone is kind to their mother, that’s a positive sign. It’s completely acceptable for mothers to assist their adult children (and in most cases, they will be willing to help their kids). However, if a man is helping his mother in her later years, that is definitely a positive indicator.”

u/MinimalSamuel

I know a man who is an adult, and his mother is a widow. He lives with her to ensure she isn’t alone. It’s not always unattractive to live with your parents, guys — so don’t feel embarrassed about it.

u/Shot_Mirror5748

38.Red flag: “Different interests (we don’t have to share the same hobbies). However, for instance, if they are individuals who act like they might perish if they’re indoors, then we aren’t a good match.”

u/sachiko468

39.Green flag: “Responds with kindness and understanding when you’re feeling worried, or takes preventive measures rather than becoming upset or making fun of you.”

u/Raaqu

40.Lastly, a warning sign: “Conspiracy theories and fake science. Someone who doesn’t think we actually landed on the moon, someone who thinks aliens constructed the pyramids, and vaccine misinformation. I’m not arguing with you, nor am I indulging you, and I’m not returning home to find our finances ruined simply because you lack the ability to think critically.”

u/graccha

Note: Certain submissions have been modified for brevity and/or understanding.

What are your thoughts on the red versus green relationship indicators? Let us know in the comments section below! 🚩