Some people consider it a true luxury to have alone time at home, especially if they have a family to care for. So we
asked
the married men of the
Community
, “What’s the first thing you do when your family leaves the house, and you’re finally by yourself?” Here’s what they had to say:
1.
“Make a disgustingly huge meal, pop those pants off, and read in complete silence.”
2.
“Lounge around naked. Before I got married and had kids, I was basically an at-home nudist. It’s comfortable, involves less laundry, and is better for the skin. We’re fairly casual with nudity at home now, but not just sitting around or doing everything naked. I miss that feeling of freedom.”
—Anonymous, 48, Canada
3.
“Binge-watch my shows (automotive, survival, construction, etc). Take a bath, relax, and do some R&R.”
4.
“My wife has this wildly strong aversion to meat on the bone, and the sound of crunching and chewing. So, if she goes out for the evening, then it’s a wings and Doritos night for me. I can eat in peace without her being bothered or complaining about the crunching of chips. That and watching old cartoons from the ’80s and ’90s.”
—Anonymous, 43, Canada
5.
“Honestly, I dance around and sing at the top of my voice. Secondly, have some ‘private’ time.”
6.
“Xbox. I know it seems obvious, but just being able to play for hours at a time and not miss the cut scenes that advance the story in the game is bliss.”
—Anonymous, 54, Washington DC
7.
“I would go to the beach during the day, then buy a bunch of frozen pizzas, ice cream, fudge, rent (before streaming) all the movies I wanted to watch, and make a strong cocktail. Usually, her dog would clean up the leftovers. We promised never to tell. Oh, it was heaven.”
8.
“I like to slip slowly into a comatose state, doing minimally as possible for survival until about the last hour of freedom, where I do all the cleaning and house projects until my wife gets home.”
—Anonymous, Anchorage
9.
“I make lamb chops or steak — because my wife doesn’t like them — sit out on the back porch, smoke a cigar (she doesn’t like the smell), listen to music loudly (she says it hurts her ears), and hope she doesn’t come home early.”
10.
“Get stoned and watch the most violent, curse word-filled movie with the surround sound on full blast!”
—Anonymous, 47, Chicago
11.
“If my better half is leaving for a work trip or a few hours, I’ll usually cook something she doesn’t enjoy and pour a wee dram or three of Scotch. Normally, our dog isn’t permitted on the sofa when we’re eating, but I look the other way. Sitting on the sofa, dog’s head on my lap while watching a game or a movie I enjoy is probably boring, but I’m happy. If it’s a multi-day trip, I’ll try to tackle a couple of small projects around the house.”
12.
“I usually tidy up the house a bit first, just so I don’t have to look at a mess and so the wife will be happy when she gets back. Then I plan my meals, shooting for trying places the wife and kids wouldn’t want to try. Then I usually plan a few activities they wouldn’t want to do, like visiting a new brewery or seeing what sort of live music events might be happening in the evenings. Once all of that is planned, I fill the rest of the time playing video games, watching shows or movies they wouldn’t want to watch, reading, or napping.”
—
AXJ66
13.
“Having time ALONE that isn’t more than just a few hours is a luxury I don’t get to experience often anymore. I love my partner, but thanks to our work schedules, we’re rarely apart aside from when we’re at work. So when she goes away for the weekend for whatever reason, I RELISH the opportunity. But in reality, I don’t actually do much different than I usually do — the big difference is that I can do it in COMPLETE SILENCE. Not talking to each other is NOT the same thing as being alone.”
